


send me reeling

by wolfsan11



Series: Sheith Week Unlimited 2017 [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Brief Disassociation, Day 4: Orbit, Hurt not really any comfort, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Sheith Week Unlimited 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 18:07:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9560774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfsan11/pseuds/wolfsan11
Summary: It's like Keith is always reaching out for Shiro, always missing by mere inches, always just a little too late. He's not okay.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sheith week is over lol. But anyway, have some ANGST :)))))
> 
> Note: Brief episode of disassociation, which I have no personal experience with. So if I've written something wrong, please feel free to tell me and I will correct it right away.  
> In the meantime, enjoy!

It starts out as small and inconsequential, just a sense of discomfort within him as they enter the training deck. The room is clean and bright as always, a familiar sight in an unfamiliar situation.

They’re fighting as a group, five of them together for the first time since-

_No_

They start the training session and a gladiator bot springs down from the opening in the ceiling, goes straight to attacking them. Then it’s a blur of offense and defense and ‘Hunk, watch your back!’ and ‘Ha, catch this!’ But they’re melding astonishingly well today, instincts and skills sharper than ever, coordinating their strikes and protecting each other’s backs.

He’s parrying the gladiator’s blade away with his sword just as another jumps down. Pidge and Lance engage the second one immediately, as Hunk squares off with the third robot that appears. Allura-

_No.  
_

It’s a multi-enemy combat simulation, one they’ve faced before plenty of times. This is just practice though, to get back into the swing of things after the hurts of the last battle. They’re still recovering from the injuries, the strain of their drained quintessence, the loss of-

_No. Don’t. You’re okay. You’re alright._

He’s concentrating on fighting back, keeping up with the team. And they are actually having fun, dodging the trio of bots and slipping in and out of their range, teasing each other with silly challenges and bets on who will take one down first. This exercise is meant to pull them in as a team and at this point, even Allura is laughi-

_Shiro._

Just like that, it all unravels with the slip in his thoughts and his lungs seize.

_Shiro._

_Shiro would have liked this, would have loved seeing them sync so well, their movements flowing in harmony._

_Shiro would have rolled his eyes at their goofing around but joined in all the same, a bigger goofball than any of them combined._

_Shiro would-_

_Where’s Shiro?_

_Shiro wasn’t here. He should be here._

_Shiro should be here with them._

_And he should have been there, he should have saved him, Shiro had been just as weakened as them by the Druid magic, worse even, and he wasn’t here now, he was gone, he was go-_

A hard kick to the chest sends Keith flying and his bayard leaves his grip. He skids back, tumbling, and suddenly finds himself on his hands and knees, a dim surprise slowly registering through the pain.

_What just happened?_

He hears his sword fall with a clatter, imagines it retracting into its ordinary form, and somehow it’s the image of the black bayard that imposes itself into his mind. It’s all that was left, after.

Cloudy. Everything around him is cloudy. Clear, but _not_ , at the same time.

_What had they been doing?_

_Right. They’d been training._

_They’d been laughing?_

_But…how? How, when Shiro was gone?_

_They’d been training and laughing and Shiro wasn’t there?_

A figure is approaching him. Metallic footsteps ring ominous and loud against the deck floor as it nears him. His skin prickles, but he can’t move. He can’t push himself to pick up his bayard, to defend himself, nothing. Part of him doesn’t want to.

Most of him doesn’t want to.

Someone shouts and the footsteps stop.

He thinks he’s shaking. His face feels wet, and there’s a strange tightness to his chest. But it’s distant, like a thick translucent tapestry has been drawn across his senses. Noise keeps filtering in, loud one moment and soft the next.

The floor in his vision is trembling, or the air is trembling, or he’s trembling.

When he looks up, it’s like watching a tape that’s been fast forwarded, but everything is still moving at a sluggish rate. There are people around him, and he can’t focus, can’t see their faces.

“Keith,” someone says, hushed and worried. “Hey.”

“I’m fine,” and that’s him. He’s saying that. He voice is high and tight and panicked.

_That is him, right?_

“No. No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not,” he agrees, and his lips twist up into something wrong, ugly and hurting.

_Was that the right answer?_

There’s a hand on his back, tiny and gentle. He thinks it’s probably Pidge’s. Pidge had tiny hands. He thinks.

“Come on. Let’s get you up off the floor,” someone else says and he lets them lift him up, but then a choking sob shreds his throat and he...He’s crying.

Ah.

He’s a mess. He’s a mess, all over again.

Shiro’s gone (again) and he’s falling (again), thrown from what was a barely steady foundation, into complete disarray (again and again and again).

“Hey, _hey_. It’s okay. It’s okay, we’ve got you, you’re alright.”

 _Right, but who’s got Shiro_ , he doesn’t ask.

A manic laugh splits the air and it’s still coming from him, these sobs are his, and he can’t stop them.

He thought he knew.

All this time, he’s been caught in the orbit of something amazing, something bigger than he can comprehend, never drifting far. And he thought he knew, thought he had a handle on it.

He knows better now.

Hands rub down on Keith’s back and he pulls away, stumbles forward on his own, and that’s easy enough. But he can’t pull away from the knowledge now, the knowledge that he’s stuck like this, in this wrenching gravity, forever reaching out and always missing by mere inches.

This is all he gets.

“I’m okay,” he says.

He’s not okay. But that’s not okay to admit either.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kind of sorry but also really not :'D  
> To be clear, Keith has no issues with Allura. Her presence with the team is just a reminder of who's NOT there.
> 
> hmu @wolfsan11 on twitter


End file.
